She didn’t judge me on my looks but on my personality and how nice I am. It felt so good. I didn’t judge her. But the past few months everything changed, she starting being mean to me, being angry, ignoring me and ultimately rejecting me. She said “I’m too much for her to handle” Too clingy etc. She even said “No I won’t fuck you” out of nowhere which really hurt because I never wanted anything like that from her. I even told her a personal experience about a girl bullying me and saying something like that in front of her friends, only it was much worse.

I talked to her because she was nice and friendly. And she talked to me because I was different in a good way. I didn’t wanna “use” her or her body unlike so many guys. What she said was completely wrong. I’m not like that and never will be. I don’t even think of her in that way.

I try to move on but the rejection is too much right now. I have nightmares of her rejecting me over and over again. Saying horrible stuff to me. Laughing at how dumb, stupid, fat, ugly, I am. I just woke up from another nightmare about her. This nightmare was even worse, she got her friends to make fun of me to and reject me. Calling me Loser, and in front of all friends saying “Look at this retard.”

I am and have been struggling with depression/rejection issues for a very long time. I didn’t tell her that but I hope she will know someday. My depression has gotten worse in the past few months. But I learned real friends stay with you during dark times. I have a few but I thought she was one of them. I guess not.

I feel like I’m being kicked while I’m down. To this day she still ignores me. I even was there when she was going through a hard time. I just wanna talk to her so these nightmares and pain to end. Actually I’d write more but I am too sad right now. Back to sleep I guess where another nightmare of her awaits.

You know that lyric from the queen song

“Bohemian Rhapsody”

That is what I really feel like right now :(

It was hella good time. Meet some chill people there. It was a underground rave.. Literary…. in someone’s basement.

It would break my heart.

(Source: madboy-castronovo)